When I die (and yes, Melissa, that day will come; and yes, Melissa, everything's in your name), I want my funeral to be a huge showbiz affair with lights, cameras, action... I want Craft services, I want paparazzi and I want publicists making a scene! I want it to be Hollywood all the way. I don't want some rabbi rambling on; I want Meryl Streep crying, in five different accents. I don't want an eulogy; I want Bobby Vinton to pick up my head and sing "Mr. Lonely". I want to look gorgeous, better dead then I do alive. I want to be buried in a Valentino gown and I want Harry Winston to make me a toe tag. And I want a wind machine so that even in the casket my hair is blowing just like Beyonce's.
Joan Rivers
Joan, the world will be less funny and the red carpet less fun without you, Juliana
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